The first contact with your baby is completely through touch. The primary need of a new born is not nutrition, but touch, and to creep against its mother’s warm skin. After the hard work of the delivery, this is very comforting. These first moments, your baby is very clear, and will explore your face. You will do the same. This first encounter with your baby after it is born can feel like a kind of trance, and you will fully have each other’s attention. The mother will also recover, and gets her reward after the hard work. The same happens when the baby is put in the father’s arms: they will look at each other and the father’s heart will melt for this little, helpless-looking creature.

The odd thing is that this scenario is not typical for a delivery. In most cases, your baby is taken pretty fast and is being weighted, measured, washed and dressed before it is put in your arms. The umbilical cord is already cut off by then and you have worked hard to push out the placenta in the afterbirth. For the child it would be better to wait with that, because its breath could set in naturally and gradually. When the oxygen supply through the umbilical cord is stopped, the respiration of the child has to begin very suddenly. By realizing this and discuss it with the midwife beforehand, you could suggest to wait with cutting the umbilical cord until the baby is breathing itself.

Beside the fact that your child has an evident need for touch, he is also very sensitive when you touch him. He would not be happy if you would dress him like he is a doll. He will even get annoyed. He will enjoy working with you more when you talk to him, and tell him what you are doing. You have to show him that you see him like a little human being, and that you are involved.

If you suddenly pick up your child and he abruptly comes off the ground, he will be frightened because he thinks that he will fall. If you talk to him before you lift him, and pick him up from the floor by rolling him to his side or even his belly, the support of your hand will replace the support of the floor. In this way, your child will not be frightened. These little tricks will make a huge difference, because they happen frequently. Handling your child this way will give him the confidence that he is carried all the time and that he does not have to fear that he will fall.

Also when you are dressing or undressing your child, it is better to roll your child over to his belly than to lift him up and put him down. A changing mat with a raised border becomes difficult to work with in this way. In all those moments with your baby it is good to give him extra sensorial information through the touch of the surface below him. He will feel better and better.

You are touching your child almost all the time, because he cannot do much himself yet. There is contact when feeding, when carrying, when lifting, when putting down, when dressing or undressing, or changing the diaper. The language of your hands is the one your baby is initially living with. What kind of message do you give your child? What follows are extremes, and you cannot be the same all the time, but it is good to be conscious about the different impressions you can give your child which can influence his wellbeing.

• Are your hands soft and loving or are they functional and cool?
• Are they calm and patient or agitated and impatient?
• Are they confident or maybe a little insecure?
• Are they friendly or are they sad and tired? Or even depressed?
• Are you letting your child know that you are there with him by talking to him or are you mainly listening to the television or radio?
• Are you totally involved in the moment with your child or is your mind full with plans or worries for tomorrow?

I invite you to respond to this.